This past week has been quiet here in Torts and Tarts land. Some family drama left my husband and I with the seemingly endless task of weeding our marital garden. That is a metaphor in case you didn't realize it....we don't actually have a marital garden. That would be kind of tacky. Continuing on with the metaphor, we saved our most precious flowers and the plants we have been growing since the day we met...and round-up'd the hell out of the rest. It seems to have worked and now there is space enough for the flowers to communicate with each other and grow, instead of being choked out by nasty forms of resentment and apathy.
Okay. Silly metaphor over.
One thing we learned was that we needed to spend time with each other. Not just time with one another doing our own thing, but one-on-one time enjoying the company. Duh. Marital rule numero uno, I know. It seems to have slipped our mind in recent years with the additions of children, school, financial strains, etc. You name it, it took the place of the most important thing in our lives. One another.
Alex planned a wonderful date for us on Saturday. I was so excited. Finally a time when I could wear heels. The last time I wore heels, I had to chase Calvin and ended up breaking my heel and almost smashing my face into a building in the process. Needless to say, I've been cautious.
About 2 in the afternoon on Saturday, it hit me like a ton of bricks. I was leaving my baby for the first time with someone that wasn't my spouse. My stomach knotted into the kind of knot that only happens when you leave a necklace in pile for too long. It was a never-ending tangle of nerves and stress. Add to that the fact that the babysitter was my mother-in-law and I had to clean the house before she came over because god forbid she understand that with two small kids, I hardly ever have a minute to clean. For some reason I still have this stupid idea that I can somehow be good enough to have married her son if I just cook well enough or clean well enough -- even though every single person in my life tells me that it is an impossible task. I'm competitive...or crazy. You pick.
I didn't know how to handle the feelings - this wasn't my first baby, but I didn't have these feelings with Calvin. So many things have happened in the extended family since Calvin was this age that it was a totally new situation all together. I had to learn to trust again -- in more than one way.
I counted the minutes with glasses of wine. I soothed my nerves with a glass or ten of Hayman Hill Cabernet. At crunch time, it was easier than I thought it would be. Connor didn't cry. I didn't cry. I left with a feeling of freedom and was able to enjoy the evening.
The date served as a catalyst for many things -- the most important of which being the reconnection between my husband and I.
This time, I'm keeping the bottle of Round Up handy for any pesky weeds that may pop up.